“There were a lot of people at the border, they’ve been standing with their bags, small children have been waiting outside in a cold February. Just a couple of bags, that’s all most people took with them from their old lives.”

On February 24, 2022, I woke up with a normal reflex at 6:40, which I used to do before going to school. This day I wanted to rest, disconnect from the worry that a full invasion might begin. Then I wanted to go to my math test that I had that day.

I opened the app Telegram (social media) and saw a message from a friend and a missed call from another friend. I will think about this day several times in the future, that I woke up as usual and not to the sound of explosions like people in other parts of Ukraine. I had the opportunity to mentally prepare myself for what was going on. The message that one of the friends left was simple and short: Girls, wake up!. I turned on the news and there was the nightmare – several cities in my homeland were bombed – Kharkiv, Symmy, Kyiv, etc.

My heart bled as I understood that nothing will be the same. I ran to wake up my parents, first of all my father. Then I went to shower as I realized I didn’t know when I would have the opportunity to do it again. Then I packed a few things to…

What would happen next, no idea. People panicked, bought gas, withdrew cash from ATMs, and very many were on their way to leave the city. The first day of the war, the only thing I did was reconcile myself to the idea that it is war. The war was the only thing that existed that day. The war in my homeland, the war that takes people’s lives and changes destinies forever. The war that destroys what you value most in your life. There is always before and after the war and after is never the same as before.

We didn’t know what to expect and what would happen later. My whole family has problems with their hearing. I grew up with people who are hard of hearing and both my parents and I have varying stages of hearing impairment. My mother is not used to living among people who hear normally as she grew up and studied in a school for hearing impaired children. I’m hard of hearing but I’m used to getting along with people with normal hearing as I went to a normal school. We often use various hearing aids, but the risk level for people with poor hearing is elevated. Therefore, my family decided to leave Ukraine on February 25, 2022.

There were a lot of people at the border, they have been standing with their bags, small children have been waiting outside in a cold February. Just a couple of bags, that’s all most people took with them from their old lives. There were many men who went back from the border alone in the car as men of military age were not allowed to leave the country. These men took their families to the border, left and said goodbye to them, then went back. You could see in their eyes that they only had one wish; to survive and see each other again. My father was not allowed to leave the country as he had no documents confirming that he was not fit for the arm.

On the morning of February 26, we received information that it is possible to take a train to Poland. My mother and I decided to take advantage of that chance. I felt a great responsibility on my shoulders then as I am the one responsible for getting mother out of here. I knew that it will be me who has to fix everything. I have to…With us, my friend (20 years old) and her little brother (16 years old) would come along. My mother and I were waiting at the train station as my friend and her brother were late. They were late as the platform was packed and it was not possible to squeeze through the crowd. My friend and her little brother didn’t manage to catch the same train as me and my mother. I remember when the train came; people were shouting, climbing on the wagons, languishing children. Everyone was panicked as it was already the third day of the war and everyone wanted to live. When we were finally on the train, each with a backpack, I noticed that my hands were shaking a lot. Others also stood shaking and were afraid for their lives.

My friend and her little brother managed to catch the next train and we hoped to see each other in Poland. From Lviv to the Polish border it’s a 1-2 hour journey but because of the air traffic alert and all the queues it took us 24 hours, we had no seats and stood all the way. At the border volunteers sent us some water through the window, the train was packed with people and no one could move. We didn’t eat anything, when there was room to sit I let mom sit even though my feet were burning.

The next day we were in Przemysl in Poland, the volunteers helped us find a Catholic monastery where we got tomato soup and local SIM cards for the phones. I texted my dad, told him that we would get help to get to Wroclaw. Then I called my friend and we decided to meet in Wroclaw as their train was still standing at the border. Since then I have lost contact with her. My mother and I came to Wroclaw. There we found a room where we could stay. I was very worried about my friend and her little brother with whom I lost contact. I always sleep without my hearing aid to let my ears rest. By pure chance, I woke up at 5 in the morning, put on my hearing aid and heard someone calling. It was my friend and her little brother, they found us! It was the first time I felt joy since the war began.

On March 16, we went to Gdansk, from there we took a flight to Stockholm. When we landed in Stockholm, we had to wait for my mother’s friend Olexandra, who is completely deaf. She came and picked us up and drove us into Stockholm with her car. We had to sleep over in her apartment where she lives with her partner. My friend and her little brother were also with us and they got to experience a conversation between deaf people for the first time.

On March 17, we were placed in a refugee accommodation by the telephone plan in Stockholm. At the accommodation, food was given three times a day and we had our own room for all of us to share. My friend’s little brother slept on a mattress on the floor, we had no internet. On March 22, we moved to a refugee accommodation in Täby. Here it was much better, but no one knew what awaited us ahead.

On March 30, we moved to a permanent residence in Junsele. Then my friend’s little brother and I started taking Swedish courses at a high school in Sollefteå. My friend became friends with an art teacher in high school. My mother was looking for a job. In this city I have finally relaxed and stopped worrying about what will happen next. A little later in the summer, my father received all the necessary papers to be able to leave Ukraine and join us. Then I could finally breathe out.

In December 2022, my mother got a job at Woolpower in Östersund, where she started working as a seamstress. My dad and I went with mom and continued to keep in touch with my friend. We have often visited each other. I have started studying at a new high school and started preparing to apply to a university.

In June 2023, I have gone to Lviv to fix a couple of necessary papers. I heard explosions and plane alarms but was very happy to be home again. I have talked to my grandmother and eaten her borstj. Sometimes the brush was so good I almost cried. It always smells different at home. But I needed to go back to Sweden, my application to Malmö University was approved and on August 18 I moved to Malmö to start my studies.

I was 16 years old when the war started. I have dreamed of passing my exams at school and going to university in the city where I grew up but the war did not give me that opportunity. On the contrary, I had to grow up very quickly because the war leaves no other options. The war will always be a part of our lives. I am 18 now and my life today is more everyday. I have my future plans and am slowly moving towards them. I dream of going back to Lviv after completing my studies and after the war is over but there are a lot of “buts” and I don’t know how it will be. However, I know that I love my homeland and no matter where I am, I am a Ukrainian!